it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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