I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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