Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
