I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
