Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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