You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
