I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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