dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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