apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
