From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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