you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
