So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i barfeds in our rink
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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