so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
