dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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