Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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