I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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