Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
