blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
