I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
