if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
