So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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