Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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