best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
