I am spending my child support on dildos
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
