I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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