similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
