he looks like a really good dad on facebook
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
