Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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