life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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