she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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