Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
