Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
