i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
