i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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