Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize