so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
