420 ftw
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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