this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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