Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
