Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
