We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize