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to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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