Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
