cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.