: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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