toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS