oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.