you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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