Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
