Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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