Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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