my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
