You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
