Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
