There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
