Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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