The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
