You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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