Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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