So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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