He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
