There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
