I wish my penis had an off switch
wanna go halves on a baby?
if only i could text you this smell
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
