remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
