Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
