Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
