Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize