no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize