Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
